


couldn’t whisper when you needed it shouted (DISCONTINUED)

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), i’ll.. edit the tags later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-29 15:19:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19403008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The funeral is quiet.Quiet like the life he was living before Thanos came and stole five years away. Quiet like the moment everyone held their breath as the Chitauri army faded away, just before the light in Tony’s eyes did, too.orA collection of drabbles following Tony’s death, detailing Peter’s recovery.





	couldn’t whisper when you needed it shouted (DISCONTINUED)

The funeral is quiet.

Quiet like the life he was living before Thanos came and stole five years away. Quiet like the moment everyone held their breath as the Chitauri army faded away, just before the light in Tony’s eyes did, too. 

For the most part, Peter has been trying to avoid anyone who looked like they were even considering talking to him. He doesn’t even know what they would tell him- did they know how much Tony meant to him? Were they able to look into his eyes and understand in a split second how much pain he was in? 

Probably not.

The aura surrounding the lake is imperturbable. Peter feels as if he’s only watching from afar when they play his final message and send off the arc reactor. He feels as if he’s floating away- dawdling somewhere he doesn’t belong. 

Peter’s thoughts are quiet.

More quiet than they’ve ever been, anyway. At least they aren’t loud.

Loud like the explosions that were ringing in his ears during the fight at the compound’s remains. Loud and suffocating like the guilt in his chest that threatens to spill out whenever he sees a picture of Ben. He realizes that he’s going to start feeling that when he looks at a picture of Tony, too.

The silence fuels a growing panic that resides beside the guilt in his chest. It’s growing and it’s there because it’s quiet and bad things always come when it’s quiet.

“Queens.” 

Steve Rogers stands in front of him, arms falling slack to his sides. 

“Mind if I..?” He trails off, gesturing to the empty space beside Peter, who only nods languidly in response. He sits down and leans back, noticing the way Peter is watching him with a curious look on his face. 

“When he first got back.. one of the first things he said was about losing a kid. I didn’t know what he was talking about- I thought he was hallucinating, mainly because he looked like he was a breath away from dying.. I started piecing two and two together when you started showing up with the dusted. None of us had any idea who you were, so I looked through his old files. Figured you two were close.”

“I still don’t know why he did what he did.” Peter says, his eyebrows furrowing as he stares down at the Iron Man mask emblem carved onto one of the wooden slats. Birdsong rings annoyingly in his ears. 

“When I first met him, I said he was selfish and arrogant, straight to his face. Said that I thought he wouldn’t be the guy to make the sacrifice play. Clearly, I was wrong.” Steve laments, and pretends to not notice the tears threatening to spill from the other’s eyes.

“I think he did what he did because he knew he wouldn’t be able to rest. Not until you came back.” The guilt in Peter’s chest rises up and lodges itself in his throat.

“You don’t think he was able to rest with them?” Peter asks, and they watch as Pepper chats with the Guardians as Morgan sits on the porch with Happy.

“Maybe he did rest- enjoyed the life he used to tell me I could have, for a while. But I think he knew it would’ve been temporary.”

“Maybe.” Peter murmurs.

Steve leaves to return the stones. They tell Peter later on that he doesn’t “come back,” and Sam Wilson starts coming to missions carrying a familiar shield.

•

Pepper and May start meeting every other week for brunch at the Starks’ cabin. Peter thinks they talk about him, sometimes. 

His suspicions are confirmed when on one Sunday night in their apartment, May brings up therapy. They’re both sat on their couch at the exact moment she does, surrounded by their shelves filled with trinkets and all the things that make the place home. His end of the shelves is collecting dust, yellow light from the lamps illuminating the small web a spider has weaved there. The window is opened to let some of the heat out, and the passerby cars rumble outside, allowing them to have moments of peace before another comes and pierces through the silence.

“Peter, I think you should start seeing someone.” The book she was reading is now set down on the table, a watercolored bookmark peeking out between the pages.

“I don’t mean like a romantic partner or something like that,” she adds before Peter can even open his mouth. “I mean like a therapist. Pepper said she can call someone that won’t share anything about your identity.” Peter doesn’t reply. 

“Peter, I need you to know that I’m not abandoning you, because you can always talk to me about how you’re feeling.. you know that, right?”

“Right.” 

“But honey, there are going to be things someone else will be able to help you with that I can’t.” May’s voice is calm and unwavering, and Peter can’t help but wonder for the millionth time how she manages to stay that way with him. Collected, composed. 

“The money.. I think this would be the best way to use it, Pete. He’d.. he’d want you to get better, you know?” Peter isn’t dumb, either. He knows tony left a not-so-small amount for him in his will. 

“You’ve been getting nightmares every night, honey. I don’t think you’re as okay as you’ve been saying you are.”

Peter breathes, feeling exposed, remembering the way Tony taught him to whenever he started to get panicky. He massages the nape of his neck, keeping his hand there until it falls slack when May speaks again.

“I’m just telling you to consider it, okay? I don’t want to force you. I don’t think that will benefit either of us.”

“Okay,” Peter decides. He’ll try. For Tony.


End file.
